It could NEVER be as bad as this!

For my dear friend Maureen who is having her first driving lesson in over 30 years, trust me my sweet, no matter what happens, it could NEVER be as bad as what happened to me, to make you laugh and stop you worrying even just a little bit, I present to you an oldie but a goodie.


The sheep, the sheep, won't someone think of the sheep!!

Someone asked me what was the most embarassing thing that has happened to me,
for that I would have to go back, way back to when I was sixteen, in 1980 and in
my last year of High School. One of the perks of being in Grade 10 was that in
the last term, all the 16 yo grade 10'ers got to do Driver Training, driver
training was split up into two sections, the first section was theory, where you
learnt about the road rules and stuff like that, in order to get into the second
section, you had to pass the first section with at least 75%, being the smart
arse that I was I managed a score of 100%.

So I was looking forward to driver training, which that year was being held at
Baskerville Raceway, since none of us had learners permits and were not allowed
to drive on public roads. We arrived at Baskerville and the road safety guys
explained how it was going to be done, in alphabetical order, which meant that
of course I was waaaay down the list, last in fact, we'd each get 10 mins pre
drive intstruction in the car, you know, pointing out the pedals and gears and
stuff, then we would be allowed to drive once around the circuit slowly, and
then if our instructor thought we could be trusted, another turn around the
circuit, at a semi decent speed.

So I waited for what seemed like hours for my turn, watching everyone else have
their turn and have what seemed like a great time, then finally they got to me,
so I got into the car, the instructor pointed out the go faster pedal, the stop
pedal, and how exactly to change gears, and the importance of looking in the
rear vision mirror, all the important stuff like that.

Under the watchful eye of the instructor I crept around for my first circuit of
Baskerville, at the stately speed of 20kms an hour, I only crunched the gears a
couple of time, and I thought I did really well, so did the instructor because
he said that I could have another circuit, because by this time I was the last
person in car to go, the rest of the students were standing around waiting for
me to finish.

For some strange reason, the instructor asked three of the boys if they wanted
to come in the car for my last lap, so I started around the track again, with
Robert, Alan and Robert in the back seat, all giving me helpful and not so
helpful hints, since they'd all be brought up on farms, they'd been driving
since they were old enough to sit on a pillow to bring them up to look over the
steering wheel, I was from suburbia, and the only times i'd been in a car was as
a passenger.

The track was set up so that we were on the inside track, with a barrier of hay
bales, witches hats and some portable fencing seperating us from the middle of
track which had the race club storage shed, and a few other bits and pieces on
it, so I was about half way around the track, going somewhat above 40kmh, the
instructor told me that I could go faster, so I accelerated to about 55, which
felt like I was speeding around the track, the boys started woohooing and
calling me the Alan Jones of BHS, then all of a sudden there was this horrible
scream from the back seat.

I jumped and my foot accidentally pressed on the accelerator, and the car shot
foward off the track, through the witches hats, through the hay bales and headed
straight for the shed, however one thing I hadn't noticed before, was that in
the middle of the track someone was grazing a herd a sheep, the sheep scattered
before the car running in all directions, I managed to take my foot off the
accelerator, and the car came to a gentle stop over the rough ground of the
middle, the car was surrounded by madly baaaing sheep, covered in whisps of hay,
and had a witches hat perched rakishly on the windscreen.

We all got out of the car, slightly shaken and surveyed the damage, luckily
there was only a very small dent in the car and a great smear of blood, caused
by a sheep, who was now deceased. It turned out that a bloody great huntsman had
crawled out from the back door and thats what made Robert scream, Robert, Alan
and Robert decided to walk back to where the rest of the kids were, the
instructor backed the car back onto the track, avoiding the sad sheep corpse and
I got back in the car and finished my lap.

Unfortunately by the time I got back, the three boys had already made it back
and the story had spread, and it grew in the telling, funnily enough, there was
very little mention of the fact of WHY we'd gone off the track, the spider
wasn't mentioned at all, and they made it seem as if i'd just swerved off the
track because I couldn't steer properly.

By the time we got back to school, my trail of damage not only included the car,
which was a write off, i'd also demolished the shed, destroyed multiple hay
bales, and witches hats, but also i'd massacred a whole herd of innocent sheep,
according to the story, I ploughed through the herd tossing sheep into the air
as I went, their pitiful baas as I run them over, willy nilly.

For weeks after, wherever I went people would baa at me and think it was hilarious,
no one believed what had actually happened, not when the three boys kept on
embellishing the story, eventually they stopped talking about it as other more
important things occured, but I never forgot and I have never been more embarrased
in my life.

It could NEVER be as bad as this!

For my dear friend Maureen who is having her first driving lesson in over 30 years, trust me my sweet, no matter what happens, it could NEVER be as bad as what happened to me, to make you laugh and stop you worrying even just a little bit, I present to you an oldie but a goodie.


The sheep, the sheep, won't someone think of the sheep!!

Someone asked me what was the most embarassing thing that has happened to me,
for that I would have to go back, way back to when I was sixteen, in 1980 and in
my last year of High School. One of the perks of being in Grade 10 was that in
the last term, all the 16 yo grade 10'ers got to do Driver Training, driver
training was split up into two sections, the first section was theory, where you
learnt about the road rules and stuff like that, in order to get into the second
section, you had to pass the first section with at least 75%, being the smart
arse that I was I managed a score of 100%.

So I was looking forward to driver training, which that year was being held at
Baskerville Raceway, since none of us had learners permits and were not allowed
to drive on public roads. We arrived at Baskerville and the road safety guys
explained how it was going to be done, in alphabetical order, which meant that
of course I was waaaay down the list, last in fact, we'd each get 10 mins pre
drive intstruction in the car, you know, pointing out the pedals and gears and
stuff, then we would be allowed to drive once around the circuit slowly, and
then if our instructor thought we could be trusted, another turn around the
circuit, at a semi decent speed.

So I waited for what seemed like hours for my turn, watching everyone else have
their turn and have what seemed like a great time, then finally they got to me,
so I got into the car, the instructor pointed out the go faster pedal, the stop
pedal, and how exactly to change gears, and the importance of looking in the
rear vision mirror, all the important stuff like that.

Under the watchful eye of the instructor I crept around for my first circuit of
Baskerville, at the stately speed of 20kms an hour, I only crunched the gears a
couple of time, and I thought I did really well, so did the instructor because
he said that I could have another circuit, because by this time I was the last
person in car to go, the rest of the students were standing around waiting for
me to finish.

For some strange reason, the instructor asked three of the boys if they wanted
to come in the car for my last lap, so I started around the track again, with
Robert, Alan and Robert in the back seat, all giving me helpful and not so
helpful hints, since they'd all be brought up on farms, they'd been driving
since they were old enough to sit on a pillow to bring them up to look over the
steering wheel, I was from suburbia, and the only times i'd been in a car was as
a passenger.

The track was set up so that we were on the inside track, with a barrier of hay
bales, witches hats and some portable fencing seperating us from the middle of
track which had the race club storage shed, and a few other bits and pieces on
it, so I was about half way around the track, going somewhat above 40kmh, the
instructor told me that I could go faster, so I accelerated to about 55, which
felt like I was speeding around the track, the boys started woohooing and
calling me the Alan Jones of BHS, then all of a sudden there was this horrible
scream from the back seat.

I jumped and my foot accidentally pressed on the accelerator, and the car shot
foward off the track, through the witches hats, through the hay bales and headed
straight for the shed, however one thing I hadn't noticed before, was that in
the middle of the track someone was grazing a herd a sheep, the sheep scattered
before the car running in all directions, I managed to take my foot off the
accelerator, and the car came to a gentle stop over the rough ground of the
middle, the car was surrounded by madly baaaing sheep, covered in whisps of hay,
and had a witches hat perched rakishly on the windscreen.

We all got out of the car, slightly shaken and surveyed the damage, luckily
there was only a very small dent in the car and a great smear of blood, caused
by a sheep, who was now deceased. It turned out that a bloody great huntsman had
crawled out from the back door and thats what made Robert scream, Robert, Alan
and Robert decided to walk back to where the rest of the kids were, the
instructor backed the car back onto the track, avoiding the sad sheep corpse and
I got back in the car and finished my lap.

Unfortunately by the time I got back, the three boys had already made it back
and the story had spread, and it grew in the telling, funnily enough, there was
very little mention of the fact of WHY we'd gone off the track, the spider
wasn't mentioned at all, and they made it seem as if i'd just swerved off the
track because I couldn't steer properly.

By the time we got back to school, my trail of damage not only included the car,
which was a write off, i'd also demolished the shed, destroyed multiple hay
bales, and witches hats, but also i'd massacred a whole herd of innocent sheep,
according to the story, I ploughed through the herd tossing sheep into the air
as I went, their pitiful baas as I run them over, willy nilly.

For weeks after, wherever I went people would baa at me and think it was hilarious,
no one believed what had actually happened, not when the three boys kept on
embellishing the story, eventually they stopped talking about it as other more
important things occured, but I never forgot and I have never been more embarrased
in my life.