"I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost."

I can tell it's christmas, the equivalent of half a plantations worth of trees in the form of catalogues arrived in the letterbox today, makes me wish I had money so that I could take advantage of them, so many pretty things...

Seriously pondering switching over to naked DSL, but then realised that if I had to rely on my current mobile phone as my sole phone I would go mad, so plan is, wait til end of contract for phone, get new BETTER phone on better plan and THEN ditch the landline.

step 4: PROFIT

Well it will actually save me quite a lot of money by getting naked dsl, it's not as if anyone uses the home phone anymore for anything, going by the last phone bill we made four calls on the landline.

It's so cold I have chillblains again on my hands, I tore open one of those chillblains accidentally, that hurts.
The inside of the house is colder than what it is outside.
The electricity bill is overdue... again 8-(
The Property Manager has decided that he wants the house EXIT clean for each property inspection, that costs money, money I don't have.
I have to find the money somehow to repair the damage in Dhanica's old bedroom, beading ripped off windows, gouges in walls; Dhanica, the gift that keeps on giving even when she isn't around.
I have an exam tommorrow, I don't think I'll pass because I couldn't afford to buy the text books for it.
It's too cold to concentrate.

Did the other chest of drawers today, oh lord, found some photos of me taken on my 10th birthday, and one of me with Big Cat, and a pic of Little Cat, OMG.. I hid those again. Purple V knees are not a loook I want to revisit.

( Have some girly TMI )

You were warned 8-)

PAYG meter was installed today, now i can keep track of how much electricity we use.

Dhanica is having a bedroom warming party, bunch of noisy noisy and drunk teenagers in my backyard, hope the neighbours don't complain too much.

auralpainkiller came for dinner... Miss you baby.. move back home??? luff luff

For someone who has always listed writing as their main past time, and always put down author as what they wanted to be, I have done absolutely no writing of note in a few years;I havent written any erotica in I don't know how long, I haven't written anything funny or thought provoking in a great while.

That's not to say I haven't been creative, I have, but I seem to have channelled it all into art, I never wanted to be a writer who dabbles in art, now I seem to be an artist who dabbles in writing. Though I would vastly hestitate in calling myself an artist, I'm not, I'm a dabbler, I know a little about a lot of things;and I do a lot of things a little well, I'd prefer to do a few things a LOT well.

And that's not to say I haven't tried, but I don't posess the skill to make that leap from being OK at things to being very good, even if I focus on one thing exclusively, but of course that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying. I have all these ideas in my head, and one of these days I will actually translate what sounds absolutely brilliant in my head, onto paper into concrete form and it will still sound absolutely brilliant.

As I still stumble through life trying to find where and how I fit in, even after all this time, the thought of giving up has never crossed my mind, one of these days I will find my niche.

Now I know I'm sick, when I burst into tears sitting on the loo, over something so damn trivial, I know I'm not well, I'm tired, but I can't sleep, i'm deeply worried about a couple of very important people in my life, I seem to be in pain every single waking moment lately, I have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going, how I'm going to afford to live in a few months time, unless a miracle occurs. Doo is being...difficult.

I don't think I can do all this for much longer.

Just been catching up on shows I've taped, watched Broken News, Spicks and Specks and the first episode of the new Ricky Gervais show, Extras.

Sadly I shall just have to declare myself one of the few who do not "get" Ricky Gervais, I detested The Office, I found his character in that, David Brent supremely unlikable, and yes I realise he was supposed to be, but he was supposed to be funny as well, and to my mind, The Office just wasnt, and I have to report the same about Extras, I wanted to like this, everyone has raved about it, said how funny it was, and I was willing ready and able to give Ricky Gervais (Andy Millman) the benefit of the doubt. It was funny in patches, and thats about it, its not a patch on the show it replaced Absolute Power with the incomparable Stephen Fry.

I guess I just dont 'get' Ricky Gervais and his style of humour.

No, I haven't died.. just not been that well and also nothing much has been happening at all.

so here have this.. it's bloody brilliant, make sure you click into the picture lots..

needs shockwave.

Oh and another credit for an assignment.

good day

Assignment Eight completed, part way through Assignment Nine already, halfway through the thing I am knitting, the present I sent arrived, I won a book I have been after for years on eBay, and i have a cat sleeping on my knee, what more could I want?