The Elephant in The Room
Jan. 21st, 2005 05:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boodieor... avoidance behaviour
At some point in time we have all shared a room with an Elephant, it doesn't matter if its covered with tablecloths or throws, or is passed off as some piece of modern art, we have all shared a room with an Elephant, and what is even more startling, when the Elephant has started to tapdance or perform elvis songs, we have ignored the Elephant, as though it doesn't exist.
No, I haven't lost my mind, The Elephant In The Room is a term sociologists use for issues that people know exist, and are very aware of, but no one says or does anything about it, hence, theres an elephant in the room, but if we all pretend it doesnt exist, it will go away.
Jack is a fairly normal guy, with one problem, when he drinks, sometimes, only sometimes, he gets stroppy, a bit belligerant, a few months ago, when he got drunk he pushed his wife, not hard, but enough so that she fell backwards agaisnt the sink, broke a few ribs, tonight it's a party at his friends house, all his friends know what happened, Jack hasnt drunk since then, he scared himself, but tonight Jack is upset, he's been fired, he's been drinking all day, Jacks wife arrives from work at the party, she sees Jack, he's drunk, very very drunk and angry.
She wants to leave right then and there, Jack refuses, his friends all look at jack, and then look away, and before you know it, theres an elephant in the room, singing cranky franky classics, and doing its best to get attention.
The elephant in this particular room is large and visible and right out there, yet to all intents and purposes to everyone in that room, it's invisible, why is that, why wouldn't someone step in and say 'ok jack, thats more than enough mate, time to sleep it off out the back' or to jacks wife, 'come home with us tonight, let Jack sleep it off'. Is that harder to do than to possibly have to rush to the hospital because Jack lost his temper and backhanded his wife down the stairs, or through a window?
Don't want to look like your interfering, what about something not quite so life threatening, but still behaviour that is dangerous and everyone knows about and yet no one says anything, a little gambling problem, maybe shoplifting, an addiction to pills, all elephants out in the open, singin, dancing and putting on a show, and yet you'd swear they weren't there.
Because it makes us uncomfortable to confront people about things, we avoid doing so, we turn the elephants into couches and sit on em, and pretend it never happened, wont ever happen again, we try to push the elephant back into his closet.
People who confront people about things get nasty names attached to them like busybody, troublemaker, pest. There is a difference between doing things maliciously, like a busy body, and doing something because you are genuinely worried about the effect and or consequences.
Child abuse is about the biggest damn elephant out there, but slowly, very slowly, the covers and the throws are being pulled off this elephant and people are looking around and going, 'my god, theres a bloody large tapdancing elephant in my community, what will we do about it'.
If you must have an elephant in your room, choose it wisely, make sure it's not a killer one.
At some point in time we have all shared a room with an Elephant, it doesn't matter if its covered with tablecloths or throws, or is passed off as some piece of modern art, we have all shared a room with an Elephant, and what is even more startling, when the Elephant has started to tapdance or perform elvis songs, we have ignored the Elephant, as though it doesn't exist.
No, I haven't lost my mind, The Elephant In The Room is a term sociologists use for issues that people know exist, and are very aware of, but no one says or does anything about it, hence, theres an elephant in the room, but if we all pretend it doesnt exist, it will go away.
Jack is a fairly normal guy, with one problem, when he drinks, sometimes, only sometimes, he gets stroppy, a bit belligerant, a few months ago, when he got drunk he pushed his wife, not hard, but enough so that she fell backwards agaisnt the sink, broke a few ribs, tonight it's a party at his friends house, all his friends know what happened, Jack hasnt drunk since then, he scared himself, but tonight Jack is upset, he's been fired, he's been drinking all day, Jacks wife arrives from work at the party, she sees Jack, he's drunk, very very drunk and angry.
She wants to leave right then and there, Jack refuses, his friends all look at jack, and then look away, and before you know it, theres an elephant in the room, singing cranky franky classics, and doing its best to get attention.
The elephant in this particular room is large and visible and right out there, yet to all intents and purposes to everyone in that room, it's invisible, why is that, why wouldn't someone step in and say 'ok jack, thats more than enough mate, time to sleep it off out the back' or to jacks wife, 'come home with us tonight, let Jack sleep it off'. Is that harder to do than to possibly have to rush to the hospital because Jack lost his temper and backhanded his wife down the stairs, or through a window?
Don't want to look like your interfering, what about something not quite so life threatening, but still behaviour that is dangerous and everyone knows about and yet no one says anything, a little gambling problem, maybe shoplifting, an addiction to pills, all elephants out in the open, singin, dancing and putting on a show, and yet you'd swear they weren't there.
Because it makes us uncomfortable to confront people about things, we avoid doing so, we turn the elephants into couches and sit on em, and pretend it never happened, wont ever happen again, we try to push the elephant back into his closet.
People who confront people about things get nasty names attached to them like busybody, troublemaker, pest. There is a difference between doing things maliciously, like a busy body, and doing something because you are genuinely worried about the effect and or consequences.
Child abuse is about the biggest damn elephant out there, but slowly, very slowly, the covers and the throws are being pulled off this elephant and people are looking around and going, 'my god, theres a bloody large tapdancing elephant in my community, what will we do about it'.
If you must have an elephant in your room, choose it wisely, make sure it's not a killer one.
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-21 12:03 am (UTC)Absolutely right too.
There's no child abuse elephant in my room. 8) See my website.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-21 04:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-21 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
no subject
Date: 2005-01-22 04:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-22 05:23 am (UTC)Thing is, how does one know when it's a good idea to step in or not?
I tend to be quick to butt in on things like what you described, and I've sometimes jumped the gun. You always risk causing more problems when you try to trouble shoot. If you want to know how bad it can get, just ask a cop about handling domestic problems.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-22 07:45 pm (UTC)of course judging when to say something or act is the hard part, sometimes things are not so clear cut, but thats the risk you take, i think I'd rather be wrong than to not say something/
no subject
Date: 2005-01-23 01:13 am (UTC)Especially since I've 'been there and done that' a few times, if you catch my meaning. *sheepish grin*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-23 04:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-23 09:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-23 09:31 pm (UTC)