Something everyone should read...

[boodie]

When a woman falls pregnant and she is not sure that she wants a baby, the options given are a) abortion and b) adoption, pro-lifers paint abortion as a terrible evil evil thing, the worse thing a woman can do and conversely paint adopting the baby out as an experience free of pain and heartache, sunshine, roses and unicorns all around.

Perhaps some perspective from the other side might help.


Breaking the Silence: On Living Pro-Lifers' Choice for Women




Thanks to naamah_darling for the link.

Comments

[psaakyrn.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm overanalyzing this. But I think it somewhat boils down to perception of lost (status), and/or perceived responsibility.

1) Basically, it's to do with having something tken away, as opposed to not having something to begin with. Granted there's some shades of grey, but there's less of a sense of possession for something you never actually get to experience (other than pregnancy woes).

2) It could also be from a sense of failed responsibility, being aggrevated by the perception that things could (and can) still be different. As opposed to having the responsibility permanently removed with no chance of amendments.

If I were to give advice, it would be to look forward. Don't focus on your past decisions, focus on what you can do now. I don't know if adoption agencies allow communication between foster and birth parents, but I'd think that's an avenue for counselling. Other than that, there's not really much else other than "feel-good" type advice, like hobbies, relationships, and etc. Which may not be much help, but still probably better than nothing. (and probably less helpful than being able to communicate with foster parents (and possibly the child); Like the 'let's just be friends' cliche, but replace the relationship of lovers with parental.)

[randomposting.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting this.

[funnelwebkitten.livejournal.com]

It all depends apparantly on the type of adoption, you can have a closed, which means that unless the adopted child comes looking for you, then there is no chance of ever finding them, or you can have an open one where the adopting parents maintain a yearly contact with the birth mother.

Both are fraught with dangers.

However I think the main point of the article is to show that giving up a child for adoption is not as 'easy' as pro lifers seem to want to make out, as if its just like giving away an unwanted kitten.

I am sure of course that there are some women out there who have given up babies without a seconds worry, and they are usually the type of women who should never have had a baby in the first place.

But for a lot of women giving up a baby is just as painful and has as many far reaching consequences as having an abortion. At least with an abortion you know it's over, final. Giving a baby up i'm sure you're always wondering what sort of life they are having, is it good, are they happy, did you do the right thing.

That sort of stress can kill you.

[funnelwebkitten.livejournal.com]

My pleasure, thankfully it is never a decision *I* have had to make, but I have always wondered just what I would do, and I can honestly say that the thought of having to make such a decision terrifies me.

[randomposting.livejournal.com]

It made me even happier that I chose to keep my son. I'm prochoice, but I don't think I could ever choose abortion for myself, and so it was between keeping my child or adoption. He's the best part of my life, and I'm so glad he's in it. Once I decided to keep him I didn't consider adoption as an option anymore, and never again thought of how hard it would be to be a "birth mother", who had given up her child, since I have him. I just can't even fathom the pain. :( It was very interesting to read how difficult that journey has been for someone who chose adoption instead.

[funnelwebkitten.livejournal.com]

I too am pro-choice, but as a personal decision I don't think that abortion would be for me, thankfully I live in a country where there is now great Govt support for sole parents, even though it would have made it difficult, now it is not impossible.

Because I honestly do not think I could give up a baby, I would be too worried about what sort of life they would end up having.

[randomposting.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I have adopted friends that have had amazing lives, but also those who have been abused, and near to tortured.

[funnelwebkitten.livejournal.com]

*nod*

And that thought would always be somewhere at the back of my mind, you only have to look at child abuse statistics, some of the most normal looking families hide horriffic secrets.

[randomposting.livejournal.com]

Exactly.