Online relationships + real Life relationships = cheating??

I was having a discussion with a friend in IRC about various things, and the subject of cheating (in relationships) came up, he was of the opinion that it's black and white, that there are no extenuating circumstances in which cheating is allowable or acceptable, I am however of the opinion that its not that clear cut, there are varying shades of grey, which explain and sometimes excuse cheating.

Then I started thinking, if you have a relationship off line, but also have one or even several online, that may be just as intense to you emtionally, is that cheating, is that taking away something somehow from your RL relationship, or even if you just have lots of people that you cybersex with, and no emotional involvement, is that also cheating, does that take away from your RL relationship as well?

Where is the line drawn, or is it all cheating.

My own personal opinion is that unless your OL attachments actively interfere with your RL relationships, or cause your RL partner problems, then it's not an issue of cheating. To me OL sex is the same as having a favourite fantasy to masturbate to, it should harm no one.

However when you feel that you're getting more from your OL relationship in the terms of love, affection and satisfaction, then that is the time to step back and reasess just exactly what is going on in your RL relationship, and how to fix it. Taking refuge in an OL relationship as a means of escaping from figuring out how to fix the RL is not a good thing.

I know there will be people who will actively and probably violently disagree with me, people who feel that they have been betrayed by a partner who has had OL relationships, or even gone so far as to leave their partner for the person they met OL, that like my friend they think cheating is cheating, black and white, no shades of grey.

The thing to remember is that there are two sides to every story, but it's easier to play the wronged victim, rather than admit that you share some of the blame, the majority of people just don't suddenly decide to look outside of their relationships, there is usually a reason. If you have a need that isn't being met, say so, and conversely don't just automatically assume that everything is just fine and dandy, talk to each other and find out.

I welcome comments, but please refrain from calling me names or resorting to personal attacks, you'll just be ignored.

Online relationships + real Life relationships = cheating??

I was having a discussion with a friend in IRC about various things, and the subject of cheating (in relationships) came up, he was of the opinion that it's black and white, that there are no extenuating circumstances in which cheating is allowable or acceptable, I am however of the opinion that its not that clear cut, there are varying shades of grey, which explain and sometimes excuse cheating.

Then I started thinking, if you have a relationship off line, but also have one or even several online, that may be just as intense to you emtionally, is that cheating, is that taking away something somehow from your RL relationship, or even if you just have lots of people that you cybersex with, and no emotional involvement, is that also cheating, does that take away from your RL relationship as well?

Where is the line drawn, or is it all cheating.

My own personal opinion is that unless your OL attachments actively interfere with your RL relationships, or cause your RL partner problems, then it's not an issue of cheating. To me OL sex is the same as having a favourite fantasy to masturbate to, it should harm no one.

However when you feel that you're getting more from your OL relationship in the terms of love, affection and satisfaction, then that is the time to step back and reasess just exactly what is going on in your RL relationship, and how to fix it. Taking refuge in an OL relationship as a means of escaping from figuring out how to fix the RL is not a good thing.

I know there will be people who will actively and probably violently disagree with me, people who feel that they have been betrayed by a partner who has had OL relationships, or even gone so far as to leave their partner for the person they met OL, that like my friend they think cheating is cheating, black and white, no shades of grey.

The thing to remember is that there are two sides to every story, but it's easier to play the wronged victim, rather than admit that you share some of the blame, the majority of people just don't suddenly decide to look outside of their relationships, there is usually a reason. If you have a need that isn't being met, say so, and conversely don't just automatically assume that everything is just fine and dandy, talk to each other and find out.

I welcome comments, but please refrain from calling me names or resorting to personal attacks, you'll just be ignored.