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boodieI wrote this back in 1995, this is a true story
Revenge of the mutant Bi-Sexual witches from Hell
Well Hobart at least.
Last thursday night I attended a meeting of the local
Bi-Sexual Support Network, i got dragooned onto the committee,
being the only one, or so I was told with the smallest smidgin of
artistic talent amongst the whole group. We were desigining our
posters for the small demo we are arranging in support of
decriminalising Homosexuality, after making up posters with such
witty slogans as, "Butt out of our private lives", "Bi's for Gays
etc. and stretching our none to plentiful supply of artistic talent
to the limit, we wound the meeting up.
After the meeting i was introduced to a friend of the
president, and she invited me to a coven meeting, I am by nature a
solitary practioner of Wicca, and have never been to a coven
gathering before, it was, to say the least rather interesting, and
after a fascinating 2 hours of talk, rituals and spell casting, i
reluctantly decided that it was time I went home, I was offered a
lift and several others all decided to take advantage of the
offer.
We got half way into town, when the car after displaying
symptons of illness gave up the ghost in front of the oldest church
in Hobart, St Davids Cathedral, a magnificent piece of
architecture, whilst fiddling about with the car, the resident
expert made it 1000 times worse and caused a short in the wiring a
disgusting smell of burning rubber and flesh filled the car, and we
all evacuated onto the footpath in front of the
church.
This is Hobart at 11.45 pm at night, in winter, it was
freezing, none of us had coats, so we were all doing the winter two
step, suddenly my friend remembered in the boot of her car, the
covens laundry, telling her to pull her finger out, she pulled from
this plastic bag 5 what you could say were classic monks habit,
white floor length wool cloaks with a deep cowl, hastily throwing
these on, we waited for the RACT man to
arrive.
Apparantly our winter two stepping had roused a certain amount
of alarm in a passerby and not more than 5 minutes later a police
car pulled up, and these two weedy looking cops, not more than 19
if a day got out, after inspecting us, and noting our dubious
attire, they put in an emergency call to the priest or father or
whatever churches have to turn up at the church, after this they
searched the car, and found three pentagrams, a book of spells and
a frozen chook.
The priest duly arrived, and we were informed by the eldest
looking of the two cops that we were being held on suspicion of
desecrating the church and performing satanic rituals. Thank ghu
the priest was a bit more tolerant than the cops, he opened up the
church, and did a check which of course revealed that there wasnt
any damage, much less the remains of a satanic ritual to be
found.
It was obvious that the police wanted to charge us with
something, even if it was just loitering with intent, i noticed out
the corner of my eye one of the cops making the sign of protection
to ward of the evil eye, and I'm almost positive he expected the
roof of the church to fall in when we all walked inside, some
people are just so gullible. The cop asked us if he could search
our bags, I just wanted to get home, so i let him, forgetting that
in my voluminous bag were several posters some of dubious literary
standard (much like this piece).
He pulled the rolled up posters out and unfolded them one by
one, the "Bi's for gays" didnt rate a mention, the "butt out of our
private lives" got a grunt then came the one which i thought might
get us into trouble, it read 'homosexual law reform?' and then
underneath 'pigs might fly' with a charming little piccy of two
pigs in police uniforms engaging in anal sex and smoking a
joint.
We just looked at each other, and I'm sure I wasnt the only
one who heard the clank of ephemeral jail doors closing in the
hobart lock up, my only thought was, "how the fuck am i gonna
explain this to my mother", we had gathered quite a little crowd by
then a couple of drunks a group of ferals and what even looked like
a prossy.
The seconds crawled by, and then the youngest of the cops
burst out laughing, we all heaved a sigh of relief, he then asked
who did the drawing, and I owned up and he told me not to give up
my day job, he handed me back the poster and they walked back to
the car, still laughing. I wasnt the only one shaking, the priest
drove off, and in the middle of all this the RACT man drove up, and
had to be restrained from leaving again, when he saw the motley
group of odd balls standing on the footpath. The drunks left, the
ferals also after cadging some money from us.
I think the RACT man deserves a medal, he got the car fixed in
15 minutes and drove off like he had the hounds of hell behind him,
we all piled in the car, and 7 minutes later I was home, somewhat
worse for wear, and in need of a change of clothes. I tore the
poster up.
I never did ask what the frozen chook was
for.
(c)Teddy 1995
Revenge of the mutant Bi-Sexual witches from Hell
Well Hobart at least.
Last thursday night I attended a meeting of the local
Bi-Sexual Support Network, i got dragooned onto the committee,
being the only one, or so I was told with the smallest smidgin of
artistic talent amongst the whole group. We were desigining our
posters for the small demo we are arranging in support of
decriminalising Homosexuality, after making up posters with such
witty slogans as, "Butt out of our private lives", "Bi's for Gays
etc. and stretching our none to plentiful supply of artistic talent
to the limit, we wound the meeting up.
After the meeting i was introduced to a friend of the
president, and she invited me to a coven meeting, I am by nature a
solitary practioner of Wicca, and have never been to a coven
gathering before, it was, to say the least rather interesting, and
after a fascinating 2 hours of talk, rituals and spell casting, i
reluctantly decided that it was time I went home, I was offered a
lift and several others all decided to take advantage of the
offer.
We got half way into town, when the car after displaying
symptons of illness gave up the ghost in front of the oldest church
in Hobart, St Davids Cathedral, a magnificent piece of
architecture, whilst fiddling about with the car, the resident
expert made it 1000 times worse and caused a short in the wiring a
disgusting smell of burning rubber and flesh filled the car, and we
all evacuated onto the footpath in front of the
church.
This is Hobart at 11.45 pm at night, in winter, it was
freezing, none of us had coats, so we were all doing the winter two
step, suddenly my friend remembered in the boot of her car, the
covens laundry, telling her to pull her finger out, she pulled from
this plastic bag 5 what you could say were classic monks habit,
white floor length wool cloaks with a deep cowl, hastily throwing
these on, we waited for the RACT man to
arrive.
Apparantly our winter two stepping had roused a certain amount
of alarm in a passerby and not more than 5 minutes later a police
car pulled up, and these two weedy looking cops, not more than 19
if a day got out, after inspecting us, and noting our dubious
attire, they put in an emergency call to the priest or father or
whatever churches have to turn up at the church, after this they
searched the car, and found three pentagrams, a book of spells and
a frozen chook.
The priest duly arrived, and we were informed by the eldest
looking of the two cops that we were being held on suspicion of
desecrating the church and performing satanic rituals. Thank ghu
the priest was a bit more tolerant than the cops, he opened up the
church, and did a check which of course revealed that there wasnt
any damage, much less the remains of a satanic ritual to be
found.
It was obvious that the police wanted to charge us with
something, even if it was just loitering with intent, i noticed out
the corner of my eye one of the cops making the sign of protection
to ward of the evil eye, and I'm almost positive he expected the
roof of the church to fall in when we all walked inside, some
people are just so gullible. The cop asked us if he could search
our bags, I just wanted to get home, so i let him, forgetting that
in my voluminous bag were several posters some of dubious literary
standard (much like this piece).
He pulled the rolled up posters out and unfolded them one by
one, the "Bi's for gays" didnt rate a mention, the "butt out of our
private lives" got a grunt then came the one which i thought might
get us into trouble, it read 'homosexual law reform?' and then
underneath 'pigs might fly' with a charming little piccy of two
pigs in police uniforms engaging in anal sex and smoking a
joint.
We just looked at each other, and I'm sure I wasnt the only
one who heard the clank of ephemeral jail doors closing in the
hobart lock up, my only thought was, "how the fuck am i gonna
explain this to my mother", we had gathered quite a little crowd by
then a couple of drunks a group of ferals and what even looked like
a prossy.
The seconds crawled by, and then the youngest of the cops
burst out laughing, we all heaved a sigh of relief, he then asked
who did the drawing, and I owned up and he told me not to give up
my day job, he handed me back the poster and they walked back to
the car, still laughing. I wasnt the only one shaking, the priest
drove off, and in the middle of all this the RACT man drove up, and
had to be restrained from leaving again, when he saw the motley
group of odd balls standing on the footpath. The drunks left, the
ferals also after cadging some money from us.
I think the RACT man deserves a medal, he got the car fixed in
15 minutes and drove off like he had the hounds of hell behind him,
we all piled in the car, and 7 minutes later I was home, somewhat
worse for wear, and in need of a change of clothes. I tore the
poster up.
I never did ask what the frozen chook was
for.
(c)Teddy 1995
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no subject
Date: 2002-12-26 09:22 pm (UTC)*doesn't know what a chook is*
no subject
Date: 2002-12-27 05:00 am (UTC)and a chook is a chicken
no subject
Date: 2002-12-26 10:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-27 05:01 am (UTC)it may take a while but we get there in the end 8-)